extracts from the book
“The playground seemed so desolate, it seemed so empty and dull, nearly scary. The wind made the swings move up and down and the seesaw creek. The gentle rain tipper-tapped onto the window, I sat watching the drops run down the window and onto the windowpane. I was in a dreamland, but there was no dream, no dream at all, my mind was blank, and felt like the empty playground. I was not a happy person, and I needed to change, I needed to try and look up, instead of out.”
“I closed my diary and placed it under my pillow... I’m not quite sure why I put it there, it’s not like anyone in my family would read it, it’s just I feel happy knowing it’s there. It’s like putting something difficult away, for the pillow to resolve and take care of, and I suppose that’s what my diary was, a load of questions, with no answers. To be honest I’m scared, what if I don’t get through this cancer, I don’t want to die, I really don’t. What I find so hard is that everyone expects me to be so brave, but it’s really hard, it’s really hard.”
“My name was called and I got up out of my chair, placed the ‘SHE’ magazine on the table, and followed my Mum into Dr Roads’ office. His office was small, but open. His desk was at the back, by the window; to your left was a bookshelf, and two chairs for us to sit on. To your right was a filing cabinet, a notice board and a small cupboard. I’d always wonder what was in that cupboard, I’d had a dream once, all black, but then at the back of my dream was his cupboard, and out of it I came. But I didn’t become bigger while walking forwards, it was like I couldn’t, like I was never going to get out of the black hole... and was never going to get better.”
“After a good talk with Mum,
Sam called me, at about 9:00pm. We talked for ages, about tons of stuff,
but mostly about his friends. He said something really nice, he said
that whatever happened, he was there for me. I know that that’s
what everyone says, but it was different coming from the guy you fancy,
from the guy you dream about all day and night...”